Susannah Wesley is da bomb.

There is an oft-quoted story about Susannah Wesley that says that in the midst of her many children she would throw the apron over her head and spend time in quiet with Jesus.

Susanna Wesley is probably best known for being the mother of Charles and John Wesley, and many people consider her the Mother of Methodism.

Confession: I am not Susannah Wesley (though I deeply admire her; what an amazing woman!).

Nor did God create me to be her. But, I came under condemnation feeling that I needed alone time and when it was difficult to really connect with God with screaming (or even well-behaving sitting on their blankets playing quietly) children around me.

I think I was under the illusion that I couldn't have time alone. I felt myself shriveling. So, in case it's helpful for you, here's a couple of things I have done the in the past year to help me get the alone time I so desperately need to internally process and connect with Jesus (and my husband).

1. We put the kids to bed earlier. Most nights our kids are in their room by 7:30. Sometimes we have them read to themselves and be quiet. Sometimes, we let them play. We go in later and turn off the light around 8:30. This lets my husband and I have some time to unwind and catch up before it gets too late, and it also lets our children have time to either exercise creativity playing games or stretch their imagination reading books. They love this! And it helps us do #2, which is...

2. We get up earlier. When I get up is irrelevant, because my schedule is different than yours, but last year I decided that it was so important to me to have time alone before anyone woke up that I was going to set back the clock until I had enough time to spend with the Lord, plan, and exercise before my kids woke up. I can't tell you how much this has helped me! I sure am not Susannah Wesley, but I am getting what I need.

Disclaimer: some of you are in a season of life that it seems impossible to do all of that. My advice to you is to do what you think God is asking you to do (for your specific situation). Please don't feel condemnation if you're nursing a baby through the night! AND please don't feel like you have to be me if you're more like wonderful Susannah!

I also wanted to refer you to a wonderful website Inspired to Action, which is really encouraging for practical things like this!

What are some things you have done that have helped you get sanity in the little years? I'd love to hear what you have to say! If you have any practical tips for us, don't be stingy! We want to hear them!

When the nations are in uproar and kingdoms fall...

...He lifts his voice, the earth melts (Ps 46:6).

Israel has fallen.

Sennacherib's emmisary is threatening violent attack on what's left of Judah, speaking in their native tongue. All can hear.

And what does King Hezekiah do? He petitions Isaiah the prophet to ask for prayers for his people "...children have come to the point of birth, and there is no strength to bring them forth." (2 Ki 19:3)

Sometimes I experience this in the spiritual. The enemy is closing in, threatening me with what should be nonsense with the God I have, and I have no power to move forward bearing His fruit. Its tempting to believe what the enemy says. It seems so true.

And I am faced with a choice: will I turn to God in my attack as Hezekiah did, or will I turn away and try to fight my enemy on his terms like Hoshea, the king of Israel tried to do (see his story here).

"Further up and farther in." That's the goal, isn't it, until we get to our real country? As long as I am retreating towards God and not away, eventually I will get to the point where I am defended, because my Defender is Strong.

Its in this kind of environment that the idols crumble--in our retreat to him.

And this is how he wants it. He wants all that we're depending on to be crushed and shaken and whittled away, so that what remains can be pure.

All of the other nations Assyria attacked just crumbled before them. False gods couldn't protect.

And Hezekiah cries out to God, reminding him of His character, and declaring truth "they were not gods...therefore they were destroyed." (2 Ki 19:18). But You! You, Lord are not like those wooden things they trusted in!

Some things God reminded me of this morning as I was reading this...
1. Hezekiah pulled into God in the face of attack.
2. Hezekiah wasn't afraid to share his grief with others and ask for them to intercede.
3. Hezekiah did not neglect going to the Lord himself.
4. Hezekiah refused to believe that the lies were true.

And God responds: "...the surviving remnant of the house of Judah shall again take root downward and bear fruit upward." (2 Ki 19:30).

Just beautiful.

And this is why Israel's story is important. Its important to know our roots and know the history of our God, and know how we fit into the Bigger Story. Israel's story is my story.

And you can see what happens to Sennacherib here.

How do you fight when the enemy attacks?

A Change is as Good as a Rest

I have heard that in the UK there's a common saying that goes like this: "A change is as good as a rest."

Today we're visiting friends who live half-a-day's drive from us. We've laughed and cried; we've been out all day with our crazy kids climbing mountains and playing in waterfalls; we've stayed up late catching up after the kids are all in bed and gotten up early to spend time with the Lord. All of that makes me really sleepy, but again I am reminded that sometimes what I need is not sleep, but rest.

Sometimes in the middle of parenting and work and relationships, we're so weary that doing anything that takes energy just seems not worth it. I'm tired and overwhelmed, but sometimes just getting out and getting some perspective is even more renewing than getting sleep.

What do you think? How do you find rest in the middle of parenting? Living overseas? Doing "ministry"?

Fun!

You know, I was thinking today about how I love my kids so much but sometimes I'm so serious that I forget to smile at them and laugh with them or just be silly with them. Sometimes I'm so interested in training them right that I forget that this is supposed to be fun!

So, what do you with your kids to make them feel loved and make memories? This melancholy woman needs help!

Bible Memory

Here's a link to a great Bible memory system (with review included). We've been using this for the past month or two with the kids, and its been really great to help me not to have to think about what I am supposed to do each day!

Thanks Tara, for the idea!

Stephanie

American Idols

Gotcha.

You just thought I was going to write a blog bashing a TV show, right?

Nah.

Really, I wanted to share something that has been one of those "just-in-time" Holy Spirit revelations for me. I am so thankful that God in his mercy has spoken and still speaks, or I would be woefully lost.

For the past few weeks, I have been thinking about idols.

I live in a nation that's fully given to them. I see them every day. I hear the stories of fear that motivate people to offer sacrifices to spirits because they're afraid. I have also heard of wonderful deliverance from these same spirits, and how God has shown them that with Jesus they don't have to fear.

For me, I am not tempted to carve an image and bow down to it like the Israelites did. So I have been thinking a lot about how this applies to me.

It hit me from another angle a few nights later. A political debate, of all things. I realized that trusting in the system would never bring me happiness, because its broken. Healthcare: broken, Insurance: broken, Justice: broken, Social net: broken. My government is powerless to give me everything I need. If I trust in it to bring me happiness, the only thing I can count on is disappointment and frustration.

Then I realized that trusting in something like insurance or social security to take care of me and provide for me would be foolish. Putting my hope, faith, and trust in a government would be, say, an idol. I can get angry at the system or be fearful of the lack of security it provides, but none of these things will help me.

Emptiness.

“And do not turn aside after empty things that cannot profit or deliver, for they are empty.” (1 Sa 12:21)

A few days after that, my husband left on business. I started to wonder why I was so content when he was gone (though missing him), but sometimes less content when he's here. I knew there had to be a deeper answer than just grace (which I was definitely feeling at the time).

I saw how I have set him up to be the one who fulfills and provides for me, and when he’s here I am tempted to be angry at him when I am not happy or when he doesn’t do what I think is best for me. But God in his mercy has given me a glimpse what life is like without him. To reveal what its like not to depend on him. When I don’t depend on him, I am free to really enjoy him, and see what he does for me as a grace from God.

I see how its that way for a lot of things in my life—-things I put my trust in. My bank account, my kids, my parents, my friends, the American social net, other drivers, insurance, law, good looks, the words of others, my personality, even my reputation.

When these things fail, how come I am tempted to feel so betrayed?

My idol gave out on me.

Now, I should know better than to trust in things that are seen, but why is this such a big deal for me?

And in the midst of all of this I keep running across the scripture "Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs." (Jonah 2:8).

I lose the glimpses of grace when I chose to trust in anything but him.

I think from this I have developed an operating definition for myself (please comment below if you can help me refine it). An idol is something that I trust in to make me whole, happy, healthy, and ultimately to bring me salvation from the evils I face.

So again, this past week I was faced with a decision.

While we were doing school, my youngest learned how to climb out of his pack-n-play (first time ever) and joyfully used his freedom to make a run for it right into a room with newly-mopped floors. All my kids have stories of huge bumps on their heads or stitches from the unforgiving tile, but after his forehead hit, it was different.

He started acting really funny.

Sleepy. Out of it.

After about an hour and a half I started to think we should go to the hospital. I look in the rear-view mirror and I see him staring at seemingly nothing. I yell his name and he doesn’t move. I rush in, and as I was checking in, my son threw up all over me. At this point I didn’t know what was going to happen or if he was ok, and I was alone with my sweet little boy in the emergency room, who was barely conscious.

And He reminds me of what I have been learning. “Will you be ok if something is terribly wrong, even if death takes him?”

And from the depths of my soul, I thought, “I trust you Lord. You know what’s best for me. I will not cling to my children and forfeit your grace.”

It was powerful. And God set it all up. If I hadn’t been thinking about idol worship “randomly," hadn’t watched that political debate, if I hadn’t been reading through Jonah and 1 Samuel in my Bible reading plan, if my husband hadn’t gone out of town, I probably would have been a basketcase in the ER. But He knew what I needed.

He set me up to receive his grace and help in my time of need.

So, I leave that story with you. My American idols are very real, and very deceptive. Love can turn into entitlement, wealth turns to fear, preparation for the future turns to anxiety, and all in an instant.

I am having to continually ask myself, "What am I putting my trust in?"

And so for you, how have the things of this world failed you? And how do you fix your eyes on the unseen?

Hitting a Wall

Last year, I learned about myself that I need exercise to live a life free of the blues. I have been faithful, realizing that it’s a necessary discipline for me. But what do I do when I am hurt and I can’t?

I tell you, I was fearful for a while. Fear of spiraling. Fear of tanking. Fear of hitting walls.

“Your walls are continually before me”, he says. “I have engraved your name on the palms of my hands.” He thinks of us as a nursing mother, who is continually reminded of her babe’s needs for sustenance. He brings it.

He climbs those walls. He comes for us. He rescues us from the dominion of darkness and transfers us to the kingdom of life.

He alone is our rescuer. Whatever our situation. He is enough. That there is good news.

How do I believe that?

I mean, how do I convince myself that this is true on a regular, regular basis? A lot of the time, I feel like I need rescuing. My life is far from perfect, I need healing in order to fully function. Lord, you know me, my inward being. You go before me. Before I was born, you knew all of my days and had them written in a book.

Whatever my situation, he knows it. Intimately. And uses it for my good.

“So to keep me me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness,” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” says Paul.

So I stop and think, how can I be thankful for this present thorn in the flesh? How can God use this particular weakness of mine to receive glory in himself? How can I delight in my seeming disability and trust that in my weakness he is strong? The weaker I am, the stronger He is through me. The less I can rely on myself, the more I have to rely on him. Another opportunity to put my full faith in him and not in myself.

In our deepest darkness, he’s the light coming at dawn.

In our weakness, he’s our strength.

In our mourning, he’s the dancing around the corner.

Those who sow in tears will reap with shouts of joy.

That’s all true. So today I’ll delight in this pain in my back that keeps me from the exercise I once thought so important to my emotional health. If all things are gifts, then I will choose to delight in this weakness as a gift of rest from God, and a gift of more time with him each day instead of exercise.

In his graciousness, he’s not given me another choice.

Prodigal Me

I am fasting right now after not having fasted pretty much since I got pregnant with my first child. That was seven years ago.

And yesterday, I was faced with my depths of hideousness and more sin than I think I have ever been aware of in my life.

“If I just would have…it would have been perfect.”

Thoughts rolling through my mind.

Famous last words. Have been all my life.

Perfectionism.

I am just talented enough to fool everyone (including myself) that if I just gave more time, concentrated a little bit harder, listened a little longer, served a little better, woke up a little earlier, suffered more, exercised more regularly, made that right decision, given more things up, been more disciplined, that I could, in fact, be perfect. As if all those things were in my power and I just chose not to put my power of perfection to work. Its all up to me: the only thing standing in between me and perfection is my own laziness. Well, and other people too. Oh, those people. Without having to deal with them I could be perfect, too.

Independence.

He fights dirty.

Pride.

I have believed for way too long that perfection is mine to have. I am a good person. And I am shamed when I fall short. I don’t want to repent, I don’t want to look. I am not bad. I just want to hide so that I don’t have to be exposed.

Isolation.

Turns out I agree with the same lie that the first mother did--that somehow I could have been perfect, all-knowing, anticipating, just like God. When I fail, all I want to do is hide.

Distraction.

What I think I can do is impossible and he has sent me on a never-ending wheel, but spinning around and around again, I exhaust myself.

He’s sneaky: I agree with him and start to drown myself in the river guilt rather than Bethesda-water, thinking if I worked harder I could earn love, approval, and eventually win God’s heart, instead of being convinced that I will always be in need of grace no matter how hard I want to be able to do it on my own. Oh the thought of not having to be dependent. Dependence can’t be a good thing, right?

Agreement.

Pulled further down by shackles of it, I realize he’s winning and I never even fought back.

Then suddenly I see the Father who runs to me, pulls me out, accepts me, cleanses me off and gives me purpose. He’s seeking me out each day, one who gives good gifts to his children. And those gifts are grace. And as we share them with one another and our bodies—his body—is healed. People-salves of hospitality-healing loneliness; vision-eyes that open blinded eyes; hands of mercy sewing hearts broken by unwelcome squatters; pastor-hearts pumping life, sending it far and deep; carpenter-servant’s arms providing for needs; faith-full eye-crutches, giving us strength to step ahead once more.

And I am reminded of my need for others and the elusive striving for perfection. I need his touch.

Healing.

I didn’t get the perfection gene from my parents. And they didn’t get it from theirs. Not in them.

Chosen.

Peeling off my soiled jeans, I dress again robes of righteousness. I don his yoke of ease guiding me in the next step, armored-all with my offense against lies, clothing myself with gifts of the spirit, passing them out to others; and as I do, He pulls back the veil of sadness and disgrace from my heart. And I receive him again, turning my face to him—falling into grace and forgetting what the blood has washed away. I take the cup and receive.

Deep communion. Community. His healing.

Dependence.

What if the path really could be lighter? Could it really be that easy? You mean I don’t have to do it all by myself?

Rest.

In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength. -Isaiah 30:15

the freedom of one word.

One of the most important lessons I have learned about child-training is that we have to teach our children to understand and respond to “No.” It’s the foundation of teaching them to obey.

Right now I am re-training and conditioning my children to understand this: no means no. And there are consequences if they don’t obey. After not obeying “no” the first time, they hear it again accompanied with pain, to teach them that lack of obedience brings consequences.

Its so important for them to be able to understand that one word. Its powerful. It protects them. When my kids understand what my “no” means, it brings them freedom to do things that would be dangerous for other kids. I don’t have to be afraid of meltdowns or accidents in public, because I can be confident that whatever I say, they will do.

Right now I am reading a book about hearing the voice of God, and in it the author makes the observation, if you cannot hear a ‘no,’ you will have a hard time hearing God at all or believing that what you think you heard is in fact from God. Without understanding God, you will never be confident that you heard when he tells you “yes.”

And I am reminded again that its just as important for me as an adult to understand and respond to “no.” Sometimes the “no” is more powerful than a “yes.”

When I am flooded with needs inside our house and requests from the outside of doing, serving, seeing, and visiting, its easy to be overwhelmed. My own desires and feelings of responsibility creep in and muddy the waters. I have to understand the language of God when he says, “No.” Otherwise, I get distracted and sunk by good things. Hurt. Or worse.

I never thought that a “No” would bring so much freedom, and now I have more vision than ever in training my children.

Crossroads

Its easy for me as I read about the Israelites in the Old Testament to think how stupid they were, how foolish for not being faithful to the One who not only led them out of slavery, but provided for their every need, took them to a fruitful land, and defeated their enemies at every turn. They listened to those around them more than the Faithful One, and they were distracted and led away from the path. Its easy to forget how swayed I am by the people around me. Even in my relationships with believers, I have to be wise. I have to depend on God to guide me. You never know what He's going to say. Sometimes He surprises.

Decisions are also scary, because, get this: we might do the wrong thing. So we are paralyzed, gathering information, trying to hear more from God, waiting for the dream, the writing on the wall, or the prophet to pick you out of the crowd.

But, whatever we do, we are making decisions. Savings, college funds, discipleship: one day we will reap the consequences of our decisions, good or bad. Our job is not to blindly go with the flow, but to continually keep our eyes open, and make those decisions in faith. Every decision has opportunity costs. We choose one thing, we opt out of something else. Every decision is an opportunity to draw into Him.

If we don't, then we tread a dangerous path of default. It doesn’t mean we trust God more, it just means we are like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind and opinions of man.

Default is still a decision.

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does. -James 1: 5-8

Am I a doubter, Lord?

The path that God has for me is only for me (Thank you, Lord!). The freedom of knowing God is that out of relationship comes wisdom. He gives generously to all without finding fault. Even in your faults, he gives it generously. Lavishly. The wisdom of God. Its free to all who ask in faith. And when we walk in faith, we are free from the judgment of others.

You know what else is the wisdom of God? The Gospel. So, don’t be surprised if God asks you to do things that are foolish-sounding. We need ears and eyes to see the kingdom of another place, a heavenly one. We might not know all the implications of our decisions, but we know this: God works to the good of all who love him and are called together according to his purpose. He works all things to your good—-he can turn even poor decisions into grace.

Whatever decisions you have made, there is always redemption. There’s always a way back to the path. God loves you so much that he uses such discipline along the way to bring you closer to his heart.

Mercy is new every morning. Even for the exiled Israelites, there were new mercies every morning. Even in deep mourning, his mercies are new. He has mercy on us because he knows what we’re made of: dirt.

Today I am glad that all of this isn’t dependent on me. Today I remember how He's led me thus far, and in His loving-kindness he's always turned me back to the right path when I have strayed.

Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you. -Psalm 116:7

Today, I will step out again in faith. I will make decisions, and I will commit to walking forward in all that God has for me.

how to get booted from the pity party

Every once in a while, our family has to make difficult decisions, and they usually consist of two options: 1) a comfortable safe option or 2) a crazy scary option in which we have to step out in faith and be caught in his arms or we will die.

Invariably, we choose stepping out. Its just who we are.

So, the second I take my eyes of Jesus, I get discouraged. I start saying things to myself like:
“Why do other people get to do ….. while I have to….?”
“Why does God always tell us to do the difficult thing?”
“When am I going to just be comfortable?”

Literally, that happened to me this morning. The enemy frequently comes in this way to discourage me and tell me that I am not going to make it. Sometimes I believe it, though its less now than it used to be.

So, in honor of Him who makes all things possible, who holds us together by the power of his word, and who created the universe by speaking; to Him who is able to do abundantly more than we could ever ask or imagine; its to his glory and to the shame of the enemy that I write today.

When I hear the voice of the enemy tempting me to worry or fear, here are my weapons:
1. I list the ways that he has been gracious to me and think about how the situation I am in can bring glory to him.
2. I thank him for his grace.
3. I remember the ways he has delivered me before.
4. I think about his character; namely, that he is good and has good plans for my life even if they seem difficult now. (Ok, these things are repetitive and could be written as thankfulness, but I need to think through everything!)
5. I read Hebrews 11.

I am always transformed when I meditate on the fact that I was made for another world, a heavenly country, a place where one day all will be right. With that in mind, I can gladly lay down my desires in life and take up his. He is coming back for me. He will rescue me and take me home with him, and my mission here in life is to help as many people to go with me as possible. I can gladly obey and spend myself for the joy set before me. I take up my weapons and fight for heavenly realities. The darkness clears. I can’t ever get there without faith. By faith I take on joy and thankfulness, and I move forward. I take courage that there have been many before me who have died in faith.

These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city. Hebrews 11:13-16 (ESV)

Right now, I also have to give a shout out to Ann Voskamp and her book A Thousand Gifts.. The fight for joy is truly real, and a real weapon is thankfulness. Her book is definitely in my top ten books I have read. Maybe someday I will figure out what those books actually are.

In what ways does the try to discourage you? How do you fight back when you’re discouraged?